The competition is fierce, but let’s go ahead and name Kevin Spacey the Most Tone-Deaf Celebrity of the Week.
In case you’ve been wondering what a blacklisted actor accused by multiple people of sexual assault has been thinking about our new coronavirus reality, the “House of Cards” star wants the ordinary American to know he feels our pain.
After all, who, if not an unemployed social pariah, can sympathize?
“I feel as though I can relate to what it feels like to have your world suddenly stop,” Spacey told the “Bits & Pretzels” podcast, “ … to suddenly be told you can’t go back to work or that you might lose your job and that it’s a situation you have absolutely no control over.”
One of Spacey’s many accusers, actor Anthony Rapp, says he was only 14 years old when a then-26-year-old Spacey attempted to have sex with him.
Spacey is confusing control with consequence.
Celebrities may not be able to entertain us through their usual channels — new movies or music or TV shows — but they are killing it when it comes to sharing their newfound suffering.
Listen to Amy Schumer on Howard Stern last week. “Sorry to be, like, honest about white privilege over here, but … I hadn’t done my own laundry in years,” Schumer said.
She added: “And now I’m doing everyone’s laundry, and cleaning. It is funny to be back doing this stuff, which — you know, actually is kind of nice to be doing again, to be folding everyone’s laundry. It’s kind of sweet. I mean, everyone who’s hearing this wants to punch me.”
Sharp observation. Didn’t stop Schumer from doubling down though, saying that her nanny is quarantining with her on Martha’s Vineyard — but it’s not like the nanny is the help or anything.
In fact, long before the pandemic, Schumer had been workshopping a joke about not wanting “to have a baby until I met the right … nanny” and was surprised that the average Jane couldn’t relate.
“The audience was like, ‘No. We don’t have nannies. It’s not relatable.’ ”
She dropped the joke. The insufferableness remains.
Whoopi Goldberg, also on Stern, said she can’t believe she is now cooking her own meals and cleaning her own house.
“You never think, ‘OK, what are you going to do when nobody can come and do any of this?’ ” she said. “So now you’ve got to figure out: You mean I have to lug the vacuum cleaner upstairs?”
That’s not the worst of it.
“Here’s the thing that really got me,” Goldberg said. “Changing my bedsheets.”
Goldberg grew up in the Chelsea projects. Schumer’s parents lost all their money — a substantial amount — when she was a 10-year-old growing up on Long Island.
Again: These are two people who should know better. Parts of the food-supply chain are breaking down. Far too many suddenly unemployed Americans can’t even get through an overloaded system to register for benefits. Parents are struggling to home-school their children and entertain them while working from home (if they still have jobs) plus cooking and cleaning and deciding which bills to pay.
So by all means, let’s keep hearing about how hard it is to change a bed (looking at you, Oprah) or how much household appliances can weigh, or how “sweet” it is to do the family load of dirty laundry.
David Letterman, also on Stern, said: “I haven’t done vacuuming since I was 11 … I want to say it’s fun, but it’s, you know, not really that fun.”
Lean into it, celebs! Let’s keep hearing and seeing your grotesque senses of entitlement: Harry and Meghan, making near-daily announcements about their glamorous new life; Madonna attending a birthday party in Bridgehampton; Jon Bon Jovi marveling to Stern over how nice the house he and his family chose to quarantine in is, that he forgot it was so nice — that’s how many houses he has!
There are as many kinds of celebrity disregard as there are snowflakes and stars, it seems. Our next offenders are anybody’s guess, but one thing’s for certain: None of them will ever see the pitchforks coming.
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