I’m worried that my new boyfriend has slept with so few women.
He’s nearly 40 and recently confessed that I’m his fourth lover. What has he been doing with his life?
I’m not ashamed of the fact that I’ve had at least 50 boyfriends and one-night stands. He’s OK in bed but I’m puzzled about the “missing years”.
JANE SAYS: It’s possible your new guy was in three, long-term relationships.
Are you worried that he’s not telling the truth about himself? Start talking and stop speculating.
However, if you don’t like his answers or feel he’s holding something back, then you’ll have to decide if he is right for you.
Pet dog a major turn-off
My girlfriend is refusing to have sex with me because our new rescue dog likes sleeping on our bed.
He growls when I go to touch her.
I’m kicked out to kip on the settee and feel miffed and rejected.
Since the mutt came into our home, she’s become completely besotted.
Almost every day she buys him a new toy, treat or outfit.
Our place looks like an explosion in a pet shop.
We don’t have kids and my sister thinks “Buster” is her child substitute – but what about me?
I love the little fella, but my “little fella” is suffering, and I’m not prepared to live an uncomfortable, sexless life at the age of 32.
JANE SAYS: No-one could blame your girl for loving your new dog and wishing to make him happy, especially if he had a difficult start in life, but you are entitled to be considered.
The animal needs boundaries and can’t take on the role of “top dog”.
Would the mutt benefit from dog training classes?
If your girl is using the animal as an excuse not to have sex, then can she tell you why that is?
I can't kick my habit
I’m a recovering alcoholic but my mates insisted I drink over the holidays, and I’ve started up again.
Now I’m putting away more than ever and hate myself.
I wake up feeling like death and the “booze blues” hit me like a sledgehammer.
I become paranoid about what I’ve said and done.
I pick up my phone terrified that I’ve posted inappropriate or downright rude comments the night before.
My parents have always drunk. I was brought up in a house where alcohol flowed freely – and every event was celebrated with the popping of a cork.
Last summer we went to my sister’s wedding. My mum caught me holding a glass of elderflower cordial instead of champagne and tore me off a strip for being disrespectful.
Why wasn’t I toasting my sister “properly?”
Then my mates joined in calling me a lightweight.
They jeered that I’d gone soft and blamed my girlfriend for making me less than a man.
I held my nerve but buckled before Christmas when my mates literally dragged me out and shoved a beer in my hand. I ended up on a three-day bender, lost my wallet and had sex with a stranger.
Now my girl is in despair. We’re on a break because she can’t cope with my drunken high jinks or my hangovers.
She says she doesn’t know or like the person I’ve become.
I feel so ashamed but am drinking more because I’m so unhappy – it’s a vicious circle.
Meanwhile, my mates are organising a stag weekend in Prague. They say I have to come (and drink) or none of them will ever speak to me again.
JANE SAYS: Firstly, I have to point out that the people you hang around with are not your “mates”.
You may have known them for years – but they don’t respect you and don’t have your best interests at heart.
It’s not your job to make up the numbers and entertain them with drunken antics.
If they can’t see how badly alcohol affects you, then they must be very unsympathetic and insensitive indeed.
Dragging you out for a night on the tiles wasn’t kind or funny – it was cruel.
Now a crazy stag party is in the offing and, again, they want you there to provide the fun. Wake up and accept that you must start saving and protecting yourself.
Your girlfriend is the only one who seems to understand and care.
Reach out to her and emphasise that you’re determined to get the help you need.
Is there anything you need to get off your chest so that you can start again as sober, mature adults?
Speak to your GP and check out alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk for information and support.
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