I thought I was a lesbian until I did something really silly with a male friend

DEAR DEIDRE: I BROKE up with my boyfriend because I thought I was a lesbian. But now I’ve realised I’m not and I feel like I’m having some sort of identity crisis.

I’m 29 and it all started when I was having issues in the bedroom.

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I was never in the mood to have sex with my partner, who I’d been with for three years. I had no idea why this was happening.

But during a night out, I walked into the toilets where I saw two women passionately kissing. It really turned me on.

That made me think that maybe I was gay.

So the next day I broke up with my boyfriend. I didn’t think it was fair to stay with him while I figured out my sexuality.

I decided to get on a dating app and set up a few dates with women.

A couple of weeks later, I met this gorgeous girl for a drink. The date was fun but when we kissed at the end of the night, I felt nothing.

I thought the first time I kissed a girl, there would be this light bulb moment.

When it didn’t happen, I was really disappointed.

I spent the next few weeks going out and partying lots. I think I was using it as a way to distract myself from the chaos inside my head.

There was one night where I couldn’t remember much, so I rang my best male friend to ask what had happened.

He claimed I’d got really drunk in the club and started crying.

Then, as he comforted me, I’d tried to undo his trousers and masturbate him in the middle of the club.

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I’m so embarrassed. I’ve never done anything like that before.

How can I fix this? How can I work out if I’m straight, gay or bisexual?

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DEIDRE SAYS: As you work through your sexuality, take your time. It sounds like you are in a hurry to announce your orientation.

It’s fine to quietly work it out and avoid making any decisions until you feel more settled.

Our sexuality is along a sliding spectrum. For many, where they are on that line can change, while for others it remains fixed.

To understand more about your sexuality, talk through your feelings with someone who understands what you’re going through.

Switchboard LGBT+ can put you in touch with counsellors and support groups (switchboard.lgbt, 0300 330 0630).


My pregnant girlfriend won’t have sex with me so I snogged someone else

Jimmy gets angry with his girlfriend Lucy for buying him a present

In terms of your best friend, an apology often goes a long way.

Explain that you value his friendship and you’ll watch your drinking from now on.

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