I Put Edible Body Paint on My Boobs and Rubbed Them All Over My Boyfriend

Sometimes a vintage Cosmo sex tip is more of a delightfully wacky time than it is a sexy one. Like stacking loose change on your partner’s buttcheeks, covering his penis with a donut, and then collapsing in a giggle fit at the insanity of it all. But other times, a Cosmo sex tip you might expect to be one of those wackier experiments actually turns out to be pretty effing hot. This one, which instructs you to put edible body paint on your breasts, and then use your painted boobs like a body paint brush on his bod, before licking it all off, falls into the latter. It sounds kind of awkward and weird, but it turns out it’s the motherflipping bomb.

Think the whipped cream bikini scene fromVarsity Blues, only without the pressure to evenly spray creamy topping on your pubic zone. NOICE.

Note: the kind of edible body paint I used for this is now sold out, but don’t worry. You can also use edible massage oils or lubes instead of edible paints. Not only is it less mess to clean up, but you also get the same effect with edible lubes, only discerning which flavor lube you used where makes the “licking off” part even more fun.

Here’s how to do it:

1. Gather supplies.

Whether you’re using edible body paints or massage oils, make sure they’re body-safe and edible (doy). It’s also never a bad idea to do a patch test either. Just put a bit on your bod and your partner’s bod the day before and make sure there are no allergic reactions. If all goes as smoothly as the taste of whatever vanilla ice-cream flavoring in your edible oil, proceed onto the next steps.

2. Dip your breasts in said edible liquid, and use them to “sponge paint” your partner’s entire body.

3. Lick it off his body and have him lick some off your body.

Here’s a recap of how it went down when we tried it:

The Sex Tip: “Dip your breasts in edible body paint, and use them to ‘sponge paint’ his entire body. Then lick it off.”

The Location: The bedroom, on a bed covered in old beach towels. This is when I realized I have 15 beach towels to every one regular towel I own and WTF is wrong with me; when will I finally be an adult??

The Music: “None of Your Business” by Salt-N-Pepa because we were definitely freakin’ on the weekend, and it’s none of your business. Well, except it’s totally your business right now since I’m writing about this on a publicly accessible website. HI MOM.

The Mood: Excited! And, not gonna lie, kinda hungry! We skipped dessert so that I would be particularly sugar-crazed.

The Act: Where does one procure edible body paint? Etsy of course! I used “Stroke It — Chocolate Bacon Natural Vegan sensual warming dark chocolate edible body paint.” I don’t know. It’s the first thing that came up on my Google search and I’m lazy. All in all, the stuff tasted pretty good, and when I did decide to be a little less lazy and look around for other edible body paints after the act, it was kinda nice to find some stuff that wasn’t made of chemical death. I mean, the ingredients on some of these things! Might as well drink some arsenic mixed with sewage water and call it a day! So be sure to do some research if you’re at all health conscious.

OK, now that I’ve gotten you nice and excited with talks of poison and garbage, let’s get to the actual act. My boyfriend applied the body paint to my breasts and this, in and of itself, was pretty delicious foreplay. I mean, having warm goo rubbed into your areolas is the tits and I highly recommend it. Then we made out for a while and I basically did The Worm on top of him (sexier than it sounds but also just as funny as it sounds) to disseminate the body paint. Then I licked it off and it was VERY EROTIC. Seriously, I felt like I was in a Jackson Pollock-directed porno. Who doesn’t want to feel like a classy, artistic porn star during sex? No one. My sweet tooth sated, we did it. Twice. The novelty of the body paint didn’t even distract from the hotness of it all. Seriously, BEST. SEX TIP. EVER.

I know what you’re thinking: This sounds messy. But it really was a lot more manageable than I was expecting. The paint is sticky enough that it mostly stays on your bodies (although definitely make use of your plethora of beach towels because some WILL get on your sheets), and it washes off quite easily in the shower (Wash each other off post-coitus!).

At risk of sounding like your ~*~*~sExY~*~*~ financial advisor, this is a sex tip that just make sense. It involves rubbing your breasts all over his body — something no heterosexual man will hate — and unlimited licking. Please tell me what’s unerotic about that. Like, if you can, I am worried about your sex life, and do you need a hug? (Come here, I already have the edible body paint on my bazoombas!)

Photo credit: Getty Images

Source: Read Full Article