DO you struggle to get your kids to behave, particularly when it comes to sitting down at mealtimes?
A Norland-trained nanny – like the one Prince William and Kate Middleton have for their three kids – has revealed her top tricks for preventing tantrums.
Speaking to Fabulous, Sarah Carpenter, author of the Sleep Better Baby book, said: “Children's behaviour can often push the calmest of adults to the very edge of their patience.
“As a Norland qualified nanny, mum of three impeccably behaved children (cough, cough), and co-host of the award-winning, top ten parenting podcast The Sleep Mums I’d like to share a few top tips to help you stay calm in the face of the most volatile outbursts.”
Here are her tricks…
Use a visual timeline
You should use a schedule for everything, leaving the house, having dinner, going to bed, getting ready for school.
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If children feel a little responsibility they will approach events more calmly and all in all things will go more smoothly.
Reward charts
I love a reward chart but you need to make sure it's manageable and that you follow it through.
Don't promise a trip to Disneyland as this is a one off and for most an unachievable goal.
Playing a board game, going swimming, going to the park, having a movie night are all lovely rewards that can be achieved every three to four days.
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Uses these phrases instead of shouting
- I'm here for you when you are ready
- It’s ok to be angry, however let's not take it out on each other
- I get angry/sad/frustrated as well
Use ping pong balls
Don’t ignore a child's emotions but encourage them to communicate how they feel.
I like having a jar with ping pong balls, where each ball has a face to show a different emotion.
When the child is getting annoyed/frustrated/upset ask them to choose the face which best shows their feelings.
This allows for a distraction leading to a calmer conversation about how and why they feel like this.
Banish the naughty step
Don’t use naughty steps and time outs.
It’s ok to remove them from the source and even encourage a cool down minute but don't alienate them as they will feel even worse in that time.
If using a cool down minute, keep them close or leave them where they are and set a timer but let them know they can have less or more time if required.
Learn some calm games
Have a few calm games up your sleeve to keep everyone engaged.
Some great examples of this are Eye Spy and Who Am I?
Be organised for the day
You should always make sure you have pre-packed everything you may need for a day out to help encourage good behaviour.
If you are going out for the day, lunch or dinner, you should over-pack and take things like colouring in or small quiet toys.
Also have a plan for the day.
This is essential as the majority of children do prefer to know what's happening and most parents can cope better when they are organised.
Do not raise your voice
A shouting match with any child of any age will get you nowhere, change your tone and it will have a much more immediate effect.
It’s not always about immediate discipline but often more about moving a child away.
from the thing which is making them react in a certain way and discussing it when appropriate.
If you find yourself getting irate, take a minute.
It’s ok to walk away and breathe, shut yourself in the toilet or scream in the garden.
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Behave as you wish your kids would
Children do model our behaviour, both positive and negative.
So if you can be engaged, calm and patient you will get to the end goal far quicker than flying off the handle.
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