Jeremy Clarkson was rudely blocked by his internet service provider from gifting his partner any erotic gifts this Christmas.
The Grand Tour presenter ordered presents for his loved ones online this year in a bid to avoid ‘unclean people’ out and about at the shops, however, ran into problems thanks to filters on his computer.
Detailing his expedition to find his partner of five years Lisa something special, Jeremy penned: ‘I decided, therefore, to begin with women’s fashion, so I visited a site called Net-a-Porter, which, it turns out, sells every single garment ever invented.
‘I’m not sure but I reckon there were at least 40,000 jumpers. And I couldn’t look at half of them because, for reasons that aren’t clear, my wi-fi has self-installed some kind of filter that blocks any site that contains flesh.’
‘For the same reason, I was unable to buy Lisa any stocking-fillers from Lovehoney,’ Jeremy added, referring to the sex toy site.
Jeremy lamented over the stress that is online shopping in his latest Sunday Times column, revealing how he accidentally ordered 640 bottles of wine.
‘We are told that online shopping is easy, and I’m sure that if you regularly visit one site, such as Amazon or Ocado, it is,’ he said.
‘But when you are trying to buy an evening gown from a site in Copenhagen and it’s five days till Christmas and your wi-fi thinks all models are basically Ron Jeremy, it’s really not easy at all.’
Although Jeremy had a bit of a nightmare getting his gifts in order, he had a pretty spectacular Christmas day judging by his Instagram.
The journalist revealed he was gifted a retro Mini from his ‘mad, brilliantly and stupidly generous daughter’ this year, while a video showed him passionately singing The Who’s Teenage Wasteland.
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